A Certain Alchemical Thanksgiving

Part 2

Turkey is soaking in cold water, the final stages of thaw. One slight snag was that we couldn't see the opening of the neck in which giblets are to be removed. So we called Mother-in-law. That aside, it makes me wonder why those gross things are in a bag. Why not remove them all together? Why not leave them in untouched as nature intended? Wife explains it's because some people eat that stuff. Why? To gain a turkey's courage? Its tasty courage?

A Certain Alchemical Thanksgiving

Part 1

Tonight, I embark on a perilous journey. The deal breaker, it seems. My first real test as some poor jackass who thinks he can cook. The last Thursday of November and with it, THE meal for most American families. Am I up to the test? Does it matter, as I'm only cooking for four/five? Maybe. But I'm not stupid. Let's prep ahead tonight.

Step one is the bird, which I admit, is typically dry and in desperate need of canned gravy whenever my beloved relatives (Two of them, both dead. God rest their souls.) cook one up. Though, my Aunt Marie was a clever bird and stuffed hers with peeled oranges prior to roasting. Yum. But anyway, how am I to tackle this and not leave the holiday disappointed? Hopefully, Alton Brown will come through for me again, as he suggests a brine. Check his recipe for full details but I didn't have everything. It came out to:

A gallon (or so. It was eight cans) of vegetable broth.
1 cup salt
1/2 cup brown sugar
The black pepper, rosemary and sage I just eyeballed. Though I guess it's a lot.

It's in the fridge now to cool. Ice is on standby tomorrow.

Stuffing was next on the list and while I originally had plans to buy some fresh loaves from Panera, no time was found. Wife ended up buying pre-cubed pre-dried stuff. Two bags full. So tonight, I plan on roasting three carrots, three celeries, and two onions tossed with olive oil and more salt and pepper. 450 degress for 50 minutes. I'm stirring occasionally, noticing some black around the edges. I hope that's fine.

That's it for tonight, though. All the cooking I plan to do. Part two tomorrow.

Chili Knight

Yes, it's chili again. This time though, such a big change! I actually measured things! Except for the olive oil. Eyeballed again. That and a pinch or two of salt. It was just for the onion roughly chopped and three cloves of garlic finely minced.

After that, about a pound and a quarter of ground turkey, which the wife says we should try out now. It went in once all the other stuff got soft and brown and flavorful. A funny thing, too: I tossed in the seasonings early. Usually I wait for all the liquids but I figured, what the hell. Here's where I measured.

One tablespoon each of chili powder and adobo, one teaspoon of cumin and three big pinches of basil. Once browned, for fun, I tossed in a quarter cup of beer. One full can of chili beans in their special sauce went in. And because wife likes it this way, one thirty two ounce can of diced tomatoes. Because I like it this way, two thirds of a cup of salsa. After seven shots of Worcestershire sauce, the lid went on and I simmered for... a while, actually. Maybe three hours. Now, for ME, I usually toss in Cayenne and lots of it. Sadly, wife likes things mild. So absolutely zero went in. I kept my pallet happy with hot sauce though.

That's it. For the first time, an ACTUAL recipe and not me just saying "Hurr durr everybody in the pool".

Colonol Mustard

If it's one thing everyone I know knows about me, it's that I love mustard. I have since I was little. My late uncle introduced the stuff to me on a salami sandwich back when I was very wee. My darling wife took me to a museum about the stuff in Mt. Horeb Wisconsin. I have always admired mustard's strong flavors, how well it goes on any meat imaginable, how... not bad it is for you and how astoundingly little goes into every jar. When I visited the museum (Hey, I should post those pictures I took!) I bought a little book on the subject. Upon reading, one of the first things it mentions in the recipe section was how stupidly easy it was to make. So, today, finally, as I was constantly talking about it for AGES, I got off my ass and did it. Sure enough, it took me fifteen minutes.

Quarter cup each brown and yellow mustard seeds, ground as fine as I could.
Half cup apple cider vinegar.
Three tablespoons turmeric.
Quarter teaspoon salt and sugar.
I also eyeballed garlic powder and adobo, which I put in everything.
Also, to smooth it out and not make it look like library paste, I added ten teaspoons water, added one at a time, because I was eyeballing it.

The flavor? Almost unpleasant. The vinegar is very overpowering. I think I also added too much turmeric? There's another flavor that really socks me in the teeth, which COULD be mustard doing it's mustard thing, but I don't know.

I'll do research, make more batches. I WILL make a mustard I can love.

Ramen

A couple weeks ago, we went to Manhattan for the day. I shall post the main reason later. But once the sun set, it was off to dinner time at a little place in Union Square.

http://www.ippudony.com/

These guys. And let me just say, they're wonderful. Aside from great atmosphere and an eager staff with lots of fighting spirit, the food was WONDERFUL. I have never had genuine ramen before. Now instant just doesn't compare. My entree was Shiromaru Hakata Classic topped with Kakuni. Heaven in a bowl. An absolute symphony of flavors, all dancing merrily together. No amount of bitter or sour or salty or sweet overplayed the other.

The appetizers too! Hirata Pork Buns were wonderful! The meat was sweet and spicy, topped with lettuce and mayo, as these were more of a sandwich than a true bun. The "bun" was SO spongy and light and fluffy! A perfect vessel! They even offered a special that night: Philli Cheese Steak Egg Rolls. Exactly as it sounds. Came with a spicy lemon ketchup. Heaven.

Go there. Now.

Something short

I would just like to say quickly, that nothing makes me happier than consistency. I made the broccoli and mushroom casserole again, as stated in an earlier post. Today, I just used bagged broccoli and oriental flavored ramen. That's all. Still good. Just sayin'.

Two things I forgot about

One, I made a casserole the other day. Broccoli and Mushroom. Wife loved it. I really don't feel like posting the recipe. Luckily, it's one of Alton Brown's. Surprise surprise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWI1qKV8sS0

Yeah, it's there. Only difference is, when we went to a Super Wal-Mart, I accidentally got 8oz of mushrooms, not 12. So I added an onion. Came out wonderful.

Secondly, today, I baked cookies. I'm still lazy. Here it is.

http://crepesofwrath.net/2009/11/16/olive-oil-chocolate-chip-cookies/

The lady was right. They ARE super moist and chewy! This may guarantee a spot in my pantry for extra virgin olive oil. Typically, I cook my veggies in Country Crock.

G'night.

I need to get into better habits

Remember when I used to post here? Remember when there were recipes on a regular basis? Yeah, me neither. But with the year ever so slowly drawing to a close, I think I should fill this. More 2010s than 2009s. Maybe. So let's get things started with Chicken Fried Steak, which I'm making tonight. I had it once at an IHOP, and it was terrible. Bleh. Darling wife assured me that it's not always like that. So I try it myself. She found for me a few slabs of meat from A&P all perforated (because I don't know the actual word) and ready to go. All they need is love.

Personally, I plan on using two eggs and a cup of milk for the wet stuff. Maybe... another half cup if I don't think it's enough. Into flower, I'll be adding... well, I dunno what I'm adding yet. I always season by the seat of my pants.

I'll be going Wet + Dry + Wet + Dry. Yes, wet first. Yes, double dipping. I tried this once before and it came out great so shaddap.

They'll be cooking in Fay. Things should go according to plan.

Update:

Two eggs and one cup milk looked fine. I didn't measure my AP Flour but it was enough to fill a 9x9 casserole up about a third/quarter of the way. In it I dumped a tablespoon of salt/baking powder/garlic powder and a whole bunch of grinds of black pepper. The steaks got a gentle sprinkling of Adobo. Now we wait for Fay to heat up.

Closing statements: Delicious. I made yellow rice and red beans to top it off. In the beans, I added a can of sweet corn for no reason. To season, I tossed in the remainder of my BBQ rub.

New York Renaissance Faire

Deep fried Oreos. Need I say more?















My first onion blossom. Good, but a little under-seasoned. Also, I had no idea this was supposed to feed six.















This. Now this, sadly I didn't think to take a picture of before I dove into it. The booth called it a Barbecue Sunday. Three layered treat, this was. At the bottom were sweet and tangy baked beans. In the middle, creamy Cole slaw. At first, I was skeptical at this choice, but then I remembered I love Cole slaw anyway. The contact was wonderful. The top layer was pulled pork! There was bark and everything! So soft and tender and full of flavor! The three were heaven in a cup! Completely worth the six dollars. Oh, and it was topped off with a little cherry tomato. Awww, it's cute.

So everyone knows, nearly the entirety of what we spent that day ($95) was for food. Aside from, y'know, getting in to see the astounding attractions. We saw a bronze bell show. Beautiful and soothing. The sweet music, along with a cool breeze nearly put me to sleep in the grass. Dexter Tripp also blew himself up. We kept him from burning alive by throwing water balloons at him. There was Nun-related stand up comedy. Lots of things. But not food related. So I won't post about that anymore.

Oh, Hamlet, how camest thou in such a pickle?

It's been a while. Ages. I know. Life sucks. So do I. But guess what! Today, I finally have something to post about! Koolickles! I saw them on Good Eats. I read about them in AB's Feasting on Asphalt book, which happened to be in bargain at my store. I gauged reactions in my store. Finally, one week ago precisely, I tried them.

Two packets of cherry, unsweetened Kool-Aid, two and a third cups sugar and an 80 oz jar of Vlasic Kosher dills, quartered. That's the recipe, aside from letting them sit in your fridge for a week.

All I can really say is that these are heaven. Still crunchy. Still sour. The cherry blends so nicely, you still get little hints of garlic. This is heaven. A perfect summer snack. Try them now or else your life will be without meaning.

No recipe today

I need to overhaul this thing. For starters, I'm not fourteen and this isn't live journal. Black background? What the fuck. More importantly, I can come up with something way better than what this looks like now. Garbage I tell you. On behalf of my beautiful and loving wife, I should also blog more. Weekly segments, I thought would get me in the habit. I was thinking "Iron Man Monday" to celebrate my shiny new pan. Maybe. I dunno yet. Maybe "Roserade Recommends". Also I dunno yet. I'm thinking. But it's time for a change.

Merry Christmas!

Over low heat, melt half a stick of butter. Add a quarter cup of sugar and half of a little can of evaporated milk. Whisk like crazy. When boiling, add a quarter cup to a half cup of chocolate syrup to taste and two cups of regular milk.

Serve with ice cream at the bottom or whipped cream on the top. And be sure to share it with your loved ones. It makes three to four servings.

Merry Christmas!

Cooking for One

After the doctor, suddenly I feel absolutely terrible about eating the soup I made. I feel like I'm stealing Wife's medicine. Weird, I know but that's so she can get through Lap-bandy things easier. So I cooked just for myself. Another steak was my dinner. They were little, in a pack of three and cost 3 bucks. They were little. But the big thing I noticed was for one of my side dishes. I chopped up one carrot, since I figured that's all I needed. I added a tablespoon of butter and a pinch of salt, then browned them in a pan. Next, once again recalling the carrot episode of Good Eats, I decide to braise. Since I had no Ginger ale and hate the stuff anyway, I used...

Cherry cola. Just enough to cover the pan, so it was an eyeball. I slow cooked with the lid on until most of the liquid was down to a syrup then served. Amazingly, it was very very good.

Orange you glad I didn't say apple?

Okay, I'm going in order now.

Step one is www.bookcloseouts.com. They're awesome. Stupidly low prices and damn decent shipping. I love them.

Step two is this.



It too is awesome. From soups to smoothies to sauces to purees. It has a hollandaise recipe for God's sake. In fact, as I cracked open the book to find the proper spelling, through magic I landed on just that page.

Step three is my wife. I watched get a Lap Band fill today. I also talked with her awesome doctor and am now under orders to give her the tough love she needs.

Step four, the result of all this is Creamy Carrot soup.




1/4 cup (or one half stick) butter.
1 onion, finely chopped
1 leek also finely chopped
3 and 1/4 cups grated carrots
1 tablespoon AP Flour
5 cups hot chicken or veggie stock
2/3 cups heavy cream

Now, I didn't have leeks. I had them, didn't post about them and now they're gone. I also made soup. But for this, a second onion. Yay. I also didn't have heavy cream. Half and half instead. That gets used more. Heck, I'd use that in my hot cocoa. Oh! That reminds me. I also have a hot chocolate recipe for you guys. But later.

Butter cooks with the onions. Five minutes until soft, just the way wife likes. Then in goes the carrots. By the way, I don't mind saying, grating all those carrots is really hard work. Sheesh. The heat gets lowered then, on goes a cover and five more minutes.

Flour gets sprinkled in, then we stir for a minute or so. Then ever so slowly, we add the broth. We bring to a boil, then simmer for eight minutes.

Then we let cool for a smidge before sending it to the blender to die. Simmer more. Add cream. Season. Personally, I used cumin and curry powder. According to my idol Alton Brown, it's best to season carrots with botanical relatives to the carrot. Came out very very yummy. Wife, who doesn't like carrots by themselves even thought so.

As for that Hot chocolate, I'll post that later. That way, I have an excuse to make another post instead of one long one. Happy eating. I had my soup with steak. ^_^

Flying by the seat of my pants

Wife continues to enjoy it when I bullshit my way through the kitchen. So BS I do. Oh, and I know I promised dear meat to... whoever the Hell reads it. But I dunno yet.

Today was pork. I'm not sure what kind of pork. It was maybe a pound or less, all cut into six chunky strips. I seared first in a little bit of oil and a quick rubdown with salt. Once crisp on each side, out they went to rest. In the meantime, in all that oil and porky goodness went some roughly chopped onions. They were pretty big, actually. Mostly rings that I broke apart in the pan. I also tried to scrape all that porky goodness into the onions as they got nice and soft. Once done, onion and oil went into a little casserole. A nice bed for later, that was. Next came my braise. It was a cup of chicken broth and brown sugar. I'm not sure how much brown sugar, because it's rock hard and I just bashed it against my head and dropped chunks into the piping hot liquid. Garlic powder and black pepper in next, then mustard and Worcestershire and honey. Once into the casserole with pork and onions, it got to cook at 450 for a half hour.

The bell rings, then I separate the pork. It rests some more and all that liquid flavor goes back in the pan with three tablespoons of flour. It made a wonder sauce once wife added a bit of adobo in it.

As for flavor? Well, the pork came out nice and juicy. There was also nice pork on pork action thanks to the sauce. Wife was happy. So I'm happy. She made a nice cheesy veggie/rice mix topped with french fried onions. I liked it. But it's her recipe so she should post it.

Pan Fried Chicken

I am not ashamed to say that the first time I tried to pan fry, I failed. Not terribly, but I failed. First on the list, I didn't have a big enough pan. No where near enough to cook enough of them at the same time. This time is different and a heavy aluminum vessel under my protection is indeed big enough to support four drumsticks at once.

Next comes the oil. I knew how much I was supposed to use, though I think I overdid it a wee bit this time. It was heating said oil. You see, I have no thermometer. So, aside from guessing, I had no idea when it was time to cook the bird. Luckily, you can find everything on the internet.

Drop a grain of rice into the oil. If it floats to the top and starts popping and cooking, it's ready to go. If it sinks, wait a little longer. Big hint for the potential readers of this blog.

As far as the chicken itself was concerned, I soaked them all in heavy cream beforehand. Maybe thirty minutes. Heavy cream as I had no buttermilk. And I have to say, touching uncooked and slimy chicken as its soaking in that stuff.... bleh. Felt like finger banging a dead woman. But anyway, I used Adobo, like I do in everything. I used a lot. A lot a lot. They were bright orange on both sides before they hit the All Purpose Flour. Oh, and a pinch of salt, some more adobo, a bit of cayenne and a half a tablespoon (maybe) of baking powder. They rested until the oil was ready, then fry.

Twelve minutes on one side. Flip. Turn heat up to medium. Another twelve minutes. Drain. Rest. Nom. I have gravy on mine.

Coming up next: deer meat.

Potato Chip Chicken

First off, I'm upset that I can't think of a more clever name for today. But I suppose that all my smarts were drained into tonight's meal. Second, I really really need to post here more. But anyway, onto dinner.

Potato Chip Chicken, which I first heard on an episode of King of the Hill, is stupidly easy to make. I was astounded. I mean, yeah, I know how to bake a chicken breast but all the prep work was seasoning my cutlets (Adobo, as always), dipping into melted butter, then coating with smashed chips. I was amazed though, as most fancy breast recipes call for a more traditional dredge of flour-egg-bread crumb. As for the potato chips, I used Sour Cream and Onion. Yum. It took more than a simple smash though. A heavy pot, a plastic bag and years of unresolved aggression towards my mother did little to create the fine grains of powder I'm used to. In order to defeat them, I sent them off to my little food processor to put the spurs to them. And that was it. Bake until white on the inside. Boom. Done. Big deal. Very very good, though. They tasted basically fried.

But this is the important part. I have been itching time and again to try and create a homemade sauce. Don't care which one. Just wanna. I figured now was my chance. With a potato chip flavor, I thought some kind of dip accompaniment would be best. Luckily, on hand was a packet of french onion soup. So flavor was not an issue. But how to build? As I recall from a leek soup recipe which I promise to post soon, butter + flour does the trick as a base. I was impressed with All Purpose's thickening power. So with... I think half a stick (I'm guessing) of butter and two tablespoons (I measured this time), I was on my way. Maybe... a quarter cup of that chicken broth went in once things looked gooey and then I started to whisk like hell over low heat. Next, a half cup of mayo and a full cup of sour cream I had combined beforehand. In they went, with much more stirring. In fact, I was a little panicky as I mixed, afraid of... I dunno, anything. I had never done a sauce before. But oh well, must truck on. In went that onion pack and a few shots of Worcestershire. Amazingly enough, it came out really really good. Very proud of myself, I am for this feat.

Not as proud as that leek soup. But that's another post.

Wow, been a while.

To start things off, I haven't posted in a while because I haven't cooked in a while. Nothing new anyway. I had a high school drama club revival and AMVs and all sorts of noise. But anyway. If I didn't mention this 68 recipe book by Pillsbury we got at Walmart, then I slipped up. Because now that I think about it, I made some bubble pizza from this as well, whatever that is. But anyway. It's monday, time for alchemy.

This is what they call Greek Chicken and Pasta. What I ended up making is not Greek in the least.

2 Cups uncooked penne pasta. No penne, used rotini.

1/4 cup butter or margarine. Easy. Though I admit, I eyeballed it.

1 large onion, chopped. Duh. There isn't a day when I have onions in the house.

1/4 cup AP flour. I should get more.

1 3/4 cups Progresso chicken broth. Didn't have it. Had leftovers of the White Wine and Herb stuff. As it turns out, it was chicken based. Hurray.

1 cup shredded feta cheese. Didn't have feta. Don't even like feta much. Used mozzarella.

3 cups chopped chicken. Wife brought these little bags of precooked rotisserie chicken on manager's special. I used two bags. Looked like it was enough.

1 jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained chopped. Ewww. I used a can of vegetable medley.

1/2 cup sun dried tomatoes in oil, drained, chopped. I wish. I used a can of diced.

1/3 cup sliced kalamata olives. What?

2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley. What?

Preheat oven to 350. Cook pasta. And oh crap, I forgot to grease my baking dish. Oh well, looks like it didn't need it. Melt butter, cook onion. Stir in flour, cook and stir half a minute. Add the broth, more stirring, heat until boiling. At this part in the game, I really noticed the flour thickening into a nice sauce. Behold the power of All Purpose. Remove from heat, stir in cheese. Gently stir in... everything else.

Bake for half an hour. Nom.

Personally, I like what I did. It's chunky, milk flavors all around, nothing bad. Wife added more cheese. She mentions if I had COMPLETELY BSed a chicken and pasta casserole, she would have liked it a lot better. Because I followed a recipe, it only gets a B-.

Chicken Salad

Once again, I have Sams Club to thank. Wife brought home these extra yummy chicken salad wraps and by golly, you know me. I just HAVE to see if I can make it myself. As it turns out, I can. Four chicken cutlets (which we have a lot more of frozen in a bag) got cooked and made friends with the food processor. So did four stalks of celery, which I did for Wife's sake. I don't mind big chunks of crunch at all though. Next, because I'm so daring, in went a packet of onion soup mix. Mayo next obviously but I eye-balled it as I so often do. If I had to guess.... maybe a third of a jar? Quarter? I dunno. Looked like a cup or so. And, now this was Wife's idea, finally went in ranch dressing. Added a tang and a zip I greatly appreciated.

All this made its way into a wrap again. Wife is skilled with tortilla wrapping. I added lettuce to mine. Yum.

This is also lap band friendly, kiddies. So go nuts. I think I'll have some now.

More alchemy

On sale, Wife got this big ole hung of turkey sausage. Yay! I didn't know what to do with it. Not yay. Time for research and time to BS. After skimming around in some cookbooks at my store for research, I stumbled upon this one casserole book that thankfully contained some stews. They got chopped and charred a little, as did a nice platter of peppers we got for two bucks. Contained all the colors of the traffic light. Added were my typical onions cooked soft and sweet in margarine. One can of about 30 oz diced tomatoes. None of the liquid though. Finally, some secret ingredients. First was a chicken broth mixed with white wine and herbs, made by College Inn. Damn good. Next, my sole spice was curry powder. I used a fair amount, wanting to experiment. Wife enjoyed and so do I, now that it's cool enough to eat. Wife also says it's Lap Band friendly so enjoy.